Roxy
New Member
Bitch.
Posts: 2
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Post by Roxy on Aug 23, 2010 6:34:20 GMT -5
Ah, the magical time known as puberty... weight gain, hair growth, and awkward encounters with dating and mating.
Or, perhaps you spent it in your basement playing D&D, and wondering what all the hooplah was about. But sooner or later, it must have hit you--- sex exists. And it's sort of a big deal.
So, when did you first discover sex?
My first time was at age eight, when a boy in my class pulled his pants off in front of me and asked me to do the same. Instead, I ran away and tattled on him.
Later that year I found a porn magazine at a friend's house. It was crammed full of pictures of oiled-up blondes and beefcake men, which were accompanied by short, poorly-written erotic stories. I still remember the section about a lesbian sleepover that involved "wrestling for dominance," and an ad about how "Asians Take Out Hot and Spicy." Good stuff.
That was how I learned that "Lesbian" was a sexual orientation, not an ethnicity. It was my initiation into the Gay 90s!
... But not a good one. I came to my mom completely grim-faced about it, and she gave me a long talk about how porn has nothing to do with real-life sex. Still, I spent the next few years completely grossed out by what I had seen... even though I secretly returned to my friend's house to flip through the magazine, taking it in like a freak-show. On one hand, I refused to watch sexual things (like MTV) or touch my private parts, out of fear that I would be unclean or turn into a sex-starved beastie. I was scared of turning into the sex-zombies I saw on the magazine cover.
Their bored, shamelessly naked, oiled bodies and fake-nasty "sex face" expressions reminded me of kids in my class who picked their nose, and then exhibited boogers for everyone to see. It was exhibitionism at its worst--- crude and just a little mean.
Just like seeing a kid pick his nose, it was impossible to look away. And yet, the way this porn reflected sex bothered--- and still bothers--- me. Where's the warmth, the passion, the romance, the freaking smiles?
This bad experience has made me grow interested in alternative kinds of porn/erotica, and I have started noticing how the porn our society produces reflects our values. Like values, porn changes with the times, and reflects what many people think--- but will not say. For this reason alone, it should not be banned. Instead, it must be reformed--- just as our current-day, Western attitudes about sex must be reformed.
Anyway. Now you know my sexual awakening. What was yours?
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Post by f on Aug 23, 2010 10:51:12 GMT -5
Wow, Roxy, that sounds like quite the story. Here's mine.
I learned about sex when I was nine years old. I read about it in the Sesame Street Parents' magazine, in the section where it explains to parents exactly how to have "the talk" at various stages of child development. Needless to say, I had it all at once.
Before that I was exposed to a lot of private parts (lots of pervy boys that would come in and out of our house -- I know how you feel, Roxy, when it's about "I'll drop my pants if you drop yours". I never dropped my pants, but ...
Can I just say that penises are just VERY unattractive?)
I didn't have many opportunities to have sexual experiences after that. Sure, I had the occasional glimpse of bad porn -- I don't want to speculate on my parents but if there was anything vaguely sexual about them they kept it hidden VERY WELL. I mean, I was born somehow, but I'm not sure how that happened. Besides, my problems were more of the academic variety (I wasn't sure I was going to go to college) and I had a crush on the world's most asexual person while that happened.
Freshman year of college however -- not sure how I got in! -- was such an eye-opener for me. Sex was everywhere. Three of my floormates were escorts. Some of the others just had boyfriends -- one, many, who gave a shit? And those who didn't were sometimes champion masturbators which was fun, too, because they were awesome to talk to. I transformed from someone who'd never had any experience with a sex object to the Consumer Reports of dildos and vibrators.
I also had a series of make-out buddy/boyfriends who loved me because I was brown. There's lot of fetishism at my ex-campus. People loved the way I looked because I was funky and I dressed funky. In high school people avoided me because of my perceived ugliness and weirdness, and in college, there were men practically lining up to get a piece of my brown ass. I ran away from commitment with most of them. When I finally found someone I wanted to be with for a while, it turned out that he had massive family and academic issues and could no longer remain in school. That broke my heart a little bit, but not enough for me to get anxious. I felt sad for him, but I felt that I had a million possibilities open for me and that this in no way limited my romantic engagements.
I never had sex with any of these men. Strictly make-outs and only once did I get close. More than anything I had this crazy, sickness-like feel of getting pregnant. So I never ever succumbed to pressure from anyone. Third base and a lot of vodka did not manage to get me laid. Instead, I practically crawled back to the train station, drunk off my ass, and slept it off. These were not bright times.
I started dating my boyfriend from the sophomore year of college. I was planning on writing about how that started & went down (he's the reason we have Subterfuge ... I needed to write about all the shit I couldn't talk about with anybody else. And, as per how I am, I've procrastinated a lot on that.) He had definitely given more thought about sex than I -- Indian repressed men ... you should see the kind of sexual imaginations they have ... or how about not -- although I was more experienced. I felt a lot of pressure to have sex at the time. I didn't feel like I completely knew what was going on. I don't at all ever regret it, but I feel as though given complete control over the situation I might have waited a year or so.
He tells me that he feels guilty about it. He brought it up on his own. He has no idea, of course, that I felt pressured, because I had no idea how to express it to him at the time. But we did learn a lot together. And it's fun. It's fun as hell, and I enjoy it and that's what counts. The beginning was rough ... and again, I wish I had more time to think about it, but I don't have too many regrets. I'm happy.
And that's my sexual journey... or something.
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V
New Member
Cynic
Posts: 47
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Post by V on Aug 24, 2010 5:24:42 GMT -5
Hm. Honestly? I don't remember a time when I didn't know, at least vaguely, what sex was. The first time I remember actually coming in contact with it was by reading a description of sex (a how-to-give-your-kid-the-talk sort of thing) at the back of a story book my friend had when I was a child. The first time I came into contact with anything ACTUALLY SEXUAL, was probably when I watched an X-rated movie (very ridiculous and uncreative porn, if you ask me) when I was a kid. No adult ever knew I did that. To this day. I don't really remember how old I was for any of these things. It wasn't a huge deal to me. I was just like, "oh. well dang. Anyway!"
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Post by d on Aug 25, 2010 16:21:00 GMT -5
Like V, I was always aware that something called sex existed, and had some vague idea that it was physical, involved love, and lead to babies. I was a self-disciplining child. I didn't like to even THINK swear words, and plenty of things were scandalizing because of my/our age. I loosened up by about twelve, and the rest is debauched history. I don't remember how clear my idea of sex was until my parents sat me down for a talk, when I was about that age. It wasn't a very long talk, but it was embarrassing for me, not them. My dad asked something like, "What do you call it?" And I couldn't bring myself to say "Sex," so he supplied, "Intercourse." They gave me a set of books that were published in the 70s-- What's Happening To Me and Where Did I Come From? They said that they'd decided long ago that these would be the books they used if and when they had kids. Promise fulfilled! They're actually very good books to have, though they were probably aimed at slightly younger kids. Good intros is puberty and sex, with plenty of factual information that actually feels relevant. They also push the message that whatever happens is ok--you won't be just like everyone else. And sex and your body are things to be enjoyed. You may have seen a cartoon with a kid on a diving board. He's staring down at some women in the pool with floating breasts, and he gets an uncontrollable boner. That's based on those books. Yes, they're funny. And they showed that in my 8th grade health class! The book on sex describes orgasm as, "Like a sneeze." Can't say that's my experience of it, but I can see where they're coming from. I was fifteen when I started exploring the physical. No boyfriend until eighteen, and we didn't get very far. Bah. Books: www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Me-guide-puberty/dp/0818403128www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come-Peter-Mayle/dp/0818402539/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b
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V
New Member
Cynic
Posts: 47
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Post by V on Aug 25, 2010 20:35:44 GMT -5
Wow, D! You got The Talk? I didn't! I didn't even get books! My mom and grandparents just assumed I'd figure it out on my own, I think. Although when I started to develop breasts my grandma did tell me two things;
"You're developing now, you need to keep your shirt ON all the time." although she didn't tell me what I was developing. xP But, I knew, so it wasn't a big deal.
"Don't take a bath when you have your period." She never said why and I never asked. I also never disobeyed. I take showers instead. xP I don't really take a bath very often, I generally just take showers. They're faster and I get just as clean. I'm pretty sure she probably also meant showers in her advice, but I don't care. I'm not going to go that long without any type of washing.
I never found out why grandma had that advice to give me. I guess it was something they used to think back in the 30s and 40s? Or not. I dunno.
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Post by d on Aug 26, 2010 18:39:07 GMT -5
I did!! It wasn't the old Birds And The Bees (my parents have never used euphemisms), and they knew I'd been having classes about it in school, so it was a sit-down to acknowledge all this and give me a chance to ask questions. Which I did not really want to do right then!!!
I think I've heard the 'don't bathe' thing before. I know I've seen old guides from the 50s that said to not bathe in extreme temperatures, which always seemed silly to me. It's not a great idea to bathe in extreme temperatures anyway. I think they were underestimating the resilience of women. Havers, better not stress yourself further when you're already taxed with your monthlies!
I would feel absolutely WRETCHED if I didn't bathe at all during my period. I'm not a fanatic about being clean, but, c'mon, one starts to feel very tired and gunky after a while! I almost always take at least one good, long bath in the first few days. It relaxes me, and I'm morbid enough to like seeing how much the water does or doesn't go pink.
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V
New Member
Cynic
Posts: 47
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Post by V on Aug 26, 2010 21:34:15 GMT -5
Yeah, I don't blame you. I don't think I would've wanted to ask questions right then, either, if I'd gotten a talk. My mom and grandparents just sort of ignored the fact that I was having classes about it. I guess they figured I was smart enough to separate the nonsense from the truth? I dunno. Hm. Well, I'm pretty sure my grandmother was born in the 20s and grew up in the 30s. So, it was probably going around longer than just since the 50s. But, yeah. I dunno, she didn't mention a thing about extreme temperatures. She just said don't take a bath while you have your period. Ever. That was the long and the short of that discussion. I got my period when I was 11 and even then I didn't get a talk! Although, I have to say, I knew what was happening already when it happened. My mom was more surprised than I was. I just walked out of the bathroom and up to my mom and said, "I got my period." And mom was like, "WHAT?!"
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